Living Jackson

Benefits of cycling
Happy Wheels Highlights #86

Happy Wheels Highlights #86

Ooooh!? Wooo! Okay, fine. Woah! Okay then. Wel- *laughs* Hello~ Hi! I’m Naruto-ing! I’m NaROOto-ing! I’m-I’m doing the Naru- wow, I can actually- woaaah. Okay then… Hi! Ha-Zoom! Ha-Blibvity! Oh god damn it. Eh, eh! Hamlemniya! *gibberish* Oh wow, he switches directions! Wha- Why did someone program a game in Happy Wheels? Why didn’t they just make another game? This is awesome! WOO! HHEEEYYAA!! This is so cool! I’m riding a cloud! I’m FRICKIN’ Goku! YEEEAAAH!! Harpoon run?! Invisible floor?! What is this madness?! What is this insanity?! Kill ma son! Oh GAWD ma asshooooole! AHA Fuck! What happened?! Alright, let’s try this again with less stupid. I mean I have ample amounts of stupid in my life, so let’s just meander a-FUCK! *laughing* What the he-eh-ell? *still laughing* Gah-hah-daammit! I know what the problem is. Ample baggage! Alright, bye son! I guess you’re not dead, but y’know maybe this is better. Droppin’ you off at babysittin’ school. *reconsiders life choices* Also, also known as daycare. AH! My LEh-eh-egs! SHI-eh-eh-heh-heh! FUCK! I mean yay? nyHazzah! Wh-what? Eugh! I’m shaking my fist in anger at the even mere CONCEPT of doing a race! Eeuh fuck the melons! Eyuh fuck you, buddy! Oh fuck that pile of sand and fuck these more melons! Oh if there’s anything I like to do in my old age it’s fuck a lot of melons. [Markiplier noises] Fuck youuu~! Too hard for you- Fuck. God dammit. Too hard for my son! HAAH! [squish] [Laughs at own mega noobness] Ah, let’s try this again, SON. BLEFPTH I think this is gonna be the one! So long as I Super my way [gibberish] -Superman my way into death. Fuck! Fourth! Ah, titties! Alright, the problem in the last one was that my angular trajectory was all bullshit. Ahh! My spo- Fuck! Alright, this time I’m gonna use the circular orbital trajectory of… complete and utter scientific bullshit! I think this is gonna be the one. HAAH! AHH! MY SPINE! Fuck, fuck your father fuck your father Fuck your father! Ahhh! Pushing forward! Like a baby! Ah, titties! [Random exclamation]- Fuck, goddammit! Ho, this might be the one! AHHH! NOOO! Taint-first just before first! Okay, so apparently even in death, I still can’t stop twerking. Okay, I stopped. Nevermind. [Fart sound] This is gonna be… somethin’. FUCK! Taint-first! Taint-second! Aww, COME ON! [High-pitched squeal] Is my shower of blood any indication of my success? AHHHHH I WAS SO CLO- HALF OF ME WENT IN THERE! [Markiplier mating noises] YEEEEEEEEEAH!! YEEEEEAH! That took FOREVER and I had to- OOGEDABOOGEDA -But I GOT it. [pleased chuckles] ‘80% impossible pogo’. Good thing they’re being more realistic about- *exhale* Good thing they’re being a bit more realistic about my chances. Heeh. Eeeh! AH! I’m taking off, momma! If I get to space… Go to hell. Aww, sh- AHHHHAHAHAHAHAHA! AND NOW I SHALL HUMP YOU! *lap dances on hobo* FOR ALL OF ETERNITY- as this harpoon jackhammers into my butthole. [Santa grunts] Where’s my kiddies? Ah shit! AHH! [Not-so-jolly sounds] I should only hope that my massive fatness will somehow- [Blubbering noises] *Cough* [Old man yelling] Indiana Jones! Will give it a try! I’ll probably- … Fuck. How ’bout this? If I bellyflop into it. Well. Oh my god… Straight down! Into death! WOOOOOOHOHOOO! Ow! SURVIVE! Ah fuck, god I wasn’t ready! I wasn’t ready! (that’s what she said) You can’t just say ‘survive’ and then- Well, fine! Aha! Watch this, bitch! Oh yeah? You think that’s gonna kill me? Pfft. Ow! My balls! But I’m okay! Watch THIS! SUCCESS! Feels… … Like death. Take some of this! How ’bout a little bit of this? And that! You only got my- You only got my head. Aha! Fuck your mother, fuck your father- Aw, shit! My heart! What if I just lay down? ‘Til the right moment to SPRING UP! To ACTION! Well, shit! Eh! Fuck ya! Fuck ya bruh! Ya! Ya! YAAAA! OOOOH! Look at me! Look at me! Look at m-mu- Look at ME! YEAH! I’m like the greatest that ever lived forever? ‘WELCOME TO DEATH BALL’. YEA Like I said before, death to these freaking melons. And those pumpkins. And the pineapples. And this chain. *stutter* There seems to be a lot of inanimate objects that are dyin’ I came here, signed up for a lotta death happening And you know basically… Basically I’m not getting what I paid for here. Or it’s guaranteed to be a lot of destruction and death. Yea sure, but… *frequent ice shatters of painful badassery while Mark gives a badass look towards le camera* I- Again, it’s- I mean, it’s cool and all… But you know the name of the game was ‘DEATH BALL’ So I was under the assumption that there was gonna be a, you know some people to ‘death’. OHHHHH! HERE THEY ARE! HELLO! GOODBYE! I’M HERE TO DESTROY YOUR ENTIRE LIFE! Hope you said goodbye to all your friends and family! Oh, you’re just tryin’ to take a poopie poop. Well, too bad for you. I’ll let gravity do the rest of this. Goodbye! Death to these vans! … Don’t tell Pixar. ‘Try to survive’, eh? *Old wise MarkiFart voice* Well I’ve tried to survive through worse. Like this-FUCKIN MARRIAGE! YEAH! *giggle* Oh my god… *inhale* WHAT HAVE I DONE?!? *screech of unsuccessful wife #0896699650* DRINK MY SORROWS AWAY! I-I drink by inserting the bottle up my rectum. oOOHHH I’M SO SAD And oddly pleasured! *gasp of pleasure.exe* Ahhhhhahahahhaaaa *crying* ‘Ninja Fight’? You wanna fight with me? Oh my god! *giggle* I’m less of a ninja and more just an extreme meat grinder. TAKE SOME OF THAT! That’s what you get for messing with a ninja! The neighborhood watch would never stand- AH Oh my god! I’ve achieved light speed! Ju-don’t, DON’T DO IT! (Shia Labeouf: ლ(ಠ_ಠლ)ヽ(ಠ_ಠ)ノ ) DON’T DO IT, SIR! IT’S NOT WORTH IT! JUST STOP IT! GO HOME TO YOUR FAMILY! OH GOD! I’m so sorry! Oh, Santa no! I’ve been a good boy! I’m sorry, Santa. I’m sorry, little Bill-Timmy! Oh god, Santa, no… M-ma’am come- Ma’am. Jus- ma’am. It’s not worth it. I know dancing on the corpse of santa is something that you’ve always wanted to do with your life, but please- Well. You don’t have to worry about a thing. Because I’m dead, and your leg is broke. So together, we make 2 halves of a whole idiot. Slow down? I don’t even KNOW the word ‘slow’! It’s not something in my vocabulary, BRUH. I also left my son behind. But hey, maybe that’s just what I’ve trying to do when I go in these weird worlds where people ride walls… For some goddamn reason. OW. My everything. *half-hearted yell* *gibberish yell* *laughs* I’m gonna make it! I’M GONNA SURVIVE! Imma land in the winner circle an- *landing in winner circle moan of pleasure* I didn’t actually expect that to happen! HEH! YES! WHAT DO I GET? WHAT DO I GET? Do I get nothing? HEHH! Yea- Aw fuck you! Just ’cause I’m drunk doesn’t mean that you get to take my points away from me! Or my baaaaaaalls. ‘Candy Ragdoll Fall’. Alright whatever, fuck you. I don’t like candy anyway, I don’t eat sugars. Well, this is moderately disappointing. Just like everyone else I’ve done in my life. Oh boy. Medium mnmnmnmnmns. That’s gotta be tasty and delicious once I get the diabetes coursing through my veins. HEP. OH WELL. ‘Pro’ level? *crack* Ow. Well, I’m already starting bleeding on ‘pro’ level. I think I can retire. *unenthusiastically cheers* That was hard. *Darkiplier* ‘DEAD SETTLEMENT’. I dunno what this means. Is this how the divorce is gonna end when me and Timmy finally get rid of the bitch wife? Oh yea, whatever. Go away birdie! We didn’t [??] welcome here anyway. Just me and my son’s favorite pastime of riding the electrical wire. Well, that was fun while it lasted. Let’s go find out why the name of this thing is ‘Dead Settlement’. ‘YOU HAVE 1 CHANCE’. Aw, fuck. Goddammit! I had one- FUCKKK! Alright son, you dangle your arms to your heart’s content and we’ll keep going. We’ll get in here- Ohhhh hello! Well. I made it, apparently! Our one chance paid off. Don’t know where we’re going now! Seems to be a neighborhood of treehouses, which is equally bizarre. Hello! Oh! I don’t know why it was called Dead Settlement, but okay, I’ll take it. What does this do? *screaming* Kiddie save me! AAAHH! *pleased Santa noises* Ah, fuck. Shit! Ahh, you little bastard kiddie! I’m gonna getcha. AAAAAAAA I don’t know what I’m doing with you now that I got you. I’m just gonna-Uh oh. Well, I’m gonna bodyslam you into the next century. Aughhh… Whee! Whee! I’m a silhouette of nothingness and I’m gonna win, ’cause I’m going super fast, and this is always gonna turn out well for- OOOHHHKAY I don’t think I technically won there… *oo and ee sounds of concentration* Thanks for that on-the-fly vasectomy! Good God! Torture Machine! Ohhhh, it’s torturing ME. Why is it torturing meeeeee? Oh I’m not tortured, I don’t feel tortured at all (outro music begins) This is actually quite relaxing. Gives me a lot of lumbar support. Well, nevermind then. I’m being obliterated. My pelvis is entirely rambled. Hello, why are there bottles of booze here? Well, I’m going into this the wrong way. Somehow… oh God! I’m ALIVE! This has been Happy Wheels Highlights! Thanks for watching! If you wanna see more Happy Wheels right now, check the description or click the annotation for the FULL Happy Wheels playlist. And if you wanna see more Happy Wheels in the future, please click the ‘like’ button to let me know! Thanks again, everyone! And as always, I will see YOU in the next video. Buh Byyyye! :3

100 comments on “Happy Wheels Highlights #86

  1. 5:37 when he says “oh! He’s taking a poopy poop” but I just wanna know WTF KIND IF PERSON USING THE BATHROOM LIKE THEY ARE READY TO KILL SOMEBODY AND WHY IS HE HOLDING A AXE 👁👄👁 help me 👉😒

  2. "I know dancing on the corpse of Santa is something that you've always wanted to do"
    -Markiplier 2016

  3. I don't know if he was single when he recorded this, but for those of you reading this now:
    Mark: This is disappointing, like everything else that I've done
    Amy: Are you calling me a disappointment?!?!
    Im sorry

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