Living Jackson

Benefits of cycling

Kicked Out Of A Spin Class – Justin Matson – Stand Up Comedy

I got kicked out of a spin
class for not paying attention. (audience laughing) It’s a stationary bike. (laughing) I didn’t turn the wrong way at the imaginary intersection, you know? (audience laughing lightly) I went in to spin class on Wednesdays ’cause my favorite instructor, Heather, she’s really easygoing,
carefree, pregnant. (audience laughing) And we’d go and we’d pedal
for 45 minutes, it was easy. And so, it’s a Wednesday, I go in, I sit in the front row
’cause I’m her favorite, and I find out she’s not
gonna lead the class today. And her sub (pausing) is more of a dom. (audience laughing) He’s really intense. (audience laughing) He’s like, “In this
class, we work our core! “We go up for two counts,
down for two counts, “right, left, do pushups!” I’m like, “What? “How do you do pushups on a bike?” (audience laughing) And he gets angry at me! He’s like, “Hey, if you’re
not gonna do the exercises, “get out!” And I’m like, “I’m doing the… (audience laughing) “It’s 6 a.m., give me a break! “I’m doing ’em poorly, but I’m trying.” He’s like, “No, you’re not even doing it. “Just get out.” I was like, “Okay.” And I look around at the other people and they don’t wanna make eye contact. (audience laughing) They’re like, “We stood
up for Carl last week “and he’s still mad at us.” (audience laughing) And so, I get off the
bike, I’m sore and sweaty, and I waddle over to the sanitizer. (audience laughing lightly) And I wipe down the bike. For Heather. And I think, “Okay, it’s been a while, “maybe he’s calmed down.” And so I look. No, no, he’s still scowling at me. (audience laughing) And I said, “Okay!” And so I start to leave
and it’s super awkward. Everyone’s biking on eggshells, you know? And they’re like,
“Should we say something? “He’s a member; he
literally paid to be here. “If we don’t say anything, “this is how the Holocaust started.” (audience laughing) But no, no one stood up for me! No one challenged authority. And so, I walk out the glass doors, I look back and he’s still scowling. I’m like, “Yep, that’s happening!” (audience laughing) So I left. And since that day, (pausing) I’m fat! (audience laughing) That was the day! I blame him! (audience laughing) I tried to exercise, he
literally wouldn’t let me. (audience laughing) But I didn’t give up. I actually, I once ran a 19-minute mile, which is impressive
’cause I can walk a 17. (audience laughing)

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